A Time to Heal | Angerfeatured

As we have moved into advent, we look toward the celebration of the birth of Christ at Christmas and the coming of the new year. We see the light around us, and catch peeks of the holly and jolly. That does not mean the rest of our year will be void of the other emotions holidays bring. We talked last week on the blog about grief (read more here) and look this week to anger. We hope the timing of these posts is a gift as you prepare your heart for the upcoming holidays and seek to approach your emotions with a biblical perspective.

This post is based on teaching by our sister Brittany Kuper of River City Downtown at the Women’s Weekend retreat. 
Most of the language comes directly from her talk and has been reworked to fit a blog post.

Why is it Necessary to Look at Anger?

You may ask, can anger be a good thing? The answer is YES! Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and do not sin.”  The Scripture actually says “Be angry!” Keller points out that it is actually a sin to never get angry and remain indifferent. In his talk “The Healing of Anger” Tim Keller takes a strong look at the book of Proverbs and concludes that in order to be wise we MUST understand and know how to handle anger. Anger can be dangerous and addictive. Uncontrolled anger is harmful to our physical body, brings division and hurt to communities and relationships, impairs our ability to make intelligent decisions and anger often leads us into denial, becoming addictive over time. So when Ephesians calls us to anger that is without sin, we ask how?

It is a refining process to look at our own anger. We will look at how to understand and deal rightly with our anger. Below you will see the contrast between righteous anger vs. sinful anger; what they are, how we discern them, and how to find healing + repentance.

What is Righteous Anger?

God is not fundamentally angry. Anger is a byproduct of God’s righteousness.  It is the violation of his righteousness that makes Him angry as we see in Old Testament passages where his people are failing to trust and obey Him, and where worship of other gods is taking place.  The Lord’s anger burned against Moses because he wasn’t trusting in God’s promise to give him the ability to do what he’d commanded (Exodus 4:14). If you transgress the covenant of the LORD your God, which he commanded you, and go and serve other gods and bow down to them. Then the anger of the LORD will be kindled against you, and you shall perish quickly from off the good land that he has given to you (Joshua 23:16).

Righteous anger is being angry at what makes God angry. Our anger is righteous when we are angered over evil that profanes God’s holiness and perverts His goodness. But God says we must be slow to anger (Proverbs 16:32). Being slow to anger is a character trait of God described throughout Scripture. Psalm 103:8 calls The LORD “merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” 2 Peter 3:9 again shows God is slow to anger and patient, “not wishing that any should perish but that all should reach repentance.”

Jesus is Our Perfect Example of Righteous Anger

Jesus’ anger sought reconciliation. In John 12:47 he says, “If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world.” Jesus was patient with sinners; he came not to judge the world but to save it. Their sin no doubt grieved Him and made Him righteously angry, but where reconciliation was possible He genuinely wanted it.  

Jesus’ anger was intertwined with sadness and grief over hardness of hearts (Mark 3:5). His anger was a defense of God’s goodness and holiness. He displays righteous anger in the temple in Mark 11, driving out those who were misusing this holy place for their own selfish gain. Jon Bloom tells us, “Righteous anger is roused by evil that profanes God’s holiness and perverts His goodness.” Are you greatly distressed by the deeds, actions, words of the wicked? Do you care more about God’s reputation or your own?

Righteous anger first sees the logs in your own eyes (Matt. 7:5). We are grieved and humbled by our own sin and seek repentance for ourselves before looking at others. A practical way that we can seek to see our own sin first is being still in the presence of God and letting His Word read us and speak to us. The difference between reading God’s Word and letting God’s Word read us is the difference between “doing” and “being”. We’re so fixated on doing, giving, talking which are good things when balanced with the being, receiving and listening.  We need to regularly pause and let God reveal to us what’s going on in our own hearts.

Righteous anger is grieved, not merely infuriated by evil (Matt. 23:37). Anger with no tears may indicate a lack of love in our own hearts.

Righteous anger is governed by God’s love and, therefore, slow to be expressed, allowing redemptive acts of love to be pursued first if at all possible. Do you truly want mercy to triumph over judgment for others? Jesus came carrying a cross before bearing a sword.

Righteous anger acts swiftly when necessary. Emotional, physical, sexual abuse, sex trafficking, adultery etc. call for us to act with urgency. Are you active or passive in your anger? Are you moved to take action or wallow in your self-pity or complain?

Keller pointed out to us it is a sin to show “no anger” or apathy and indifference, but it is also a sin to show sinful anger.

What is Sinful Anger?

James 1:20 says “For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” The anger of man is more concerned with man than with God and often leaves our anger self-focused.

I am often more angry when my daily routine gets messed up, people are driving slow, there is a train when I’m running late, or when my husband rearranges the dishwasher so it’s more “efficient” than I am angry about the marring of God’s glory, the injustice of sex trafficking, the victims of poverty, the many lost souls that I interact with each and every day. My anger is more often rooted in selfishness and pride, the protecting of my own ego. What makes you angry? What do you get defensive about? Do the seasons that we see referenced in Ecclesiastes of death, breaking down, weeping, losing, war, hate tend to be times we are more likely to feel anger?

Tim Keller describes anger as “Love in Motion”. As our defensive response to when something we love comes under threat. He says that “If you look at the things that make you the most angry you have the answer to what the heart loves the most.”

If we’re honest, our anger generally comes from what Keller calls “disordered loves” – people approval, a good reputation, our comfort, our performance, being the best, control, being right, work, ministry, relationships… and if anything gets between you and that thing you love so much, you become incredibly angry and you want vengeance. Keller says “There’s nothing wrong with being ticked — getting angry to a degree — if somebody slights your reputation, but why are you ten times — a hundred times — more angry about it than some horrible violent injustice being done to people in another part of the world?”  Because we’re selfish, our sin.

We will never be perfectly angry as Jesus was because of our sinful nature but God calls us to grow in the grace of righteous anger and seek healing!

How to Repent and Find Healing

1. Name it. Recognize you are angry and call it what it is. This takes vulnerability, humility to admit our anger, but allows opens doors for reconciliation. See your anger and give it a name.
2. Question it. When you feel angry question: “What am I defending?” Anger comes from what we are believing is happening to us. For example, a chronically late person gets angry when running late and others are driving slow or receiving slow service somewhere, but the root of the anger is not that those people are driving slow or that service is slow. The anger is actually coming from fear of ego or reputation being threatened because of how the lateness may be perceived by others. The root is pride. The problem is pride not the other person. As we ask and analyze we will likely come to be embarrassed about what we instinctively are defending. (More often then not, ourselves.) This question will get to the heart of what’s going on. So what do we do?
3. Repent of it. Feel sorrow for your anger. We may feel embarrassment. We may see our own ugliness. But this should move us to change. Seek repentance from others and from the Lord. Because Christ bore the wrath we deserved we can be free from our guilt. We feel it, but do not have to live under it or continue to carry it with us. Jesus rose from the dead empowering us over sin’s dominion. When we remember the love of Christ we have hope to bring our “disordered loves” back into order. Through this process we grow in loving Him and His way more than ours.

Read more on What Our Anger is Telling Us.

I have been studying the book of Genesis this Fall with some of my disciples and we see that from the very beginning we have struggled with the “blame game” to cover our shame and guilt. What’s really going on?  In Genesis 3:11-13 – 11 God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

In Genesis 4 we see that Cain is angry because of a disordered love. He wanted acceptance and approval for his offering. God in his mercy questions him, trying to draw him out, but instead of humbly admitting his anger he let it turn into hatred and murdered his brother. Again God shows his mercy and calls him into repentance asking him where his brother is and he shows no remorse. If we don’t stop to analyze our anger the consequences could be disastrous.

Anger With Another

Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Keller says this is beyond self-control. You’re actually saving and serving your enemies. Is this possible? Keller says there are three ways we can respond to anger with another and only one will lead to transformation and healing:

1.  Withdraw because it hurts too much.
2. Fire back with guns blazing.
3. Do a surgical strike – come in close and insist gently on the truth, acknowledging their feelings and absorb their anger without paying back! When you experience anger you can be mad at the situation or the point of conflict but you must respond with gentleness and humility.

I’m not a parent yet, but I enjoy learning from men and women around me in my MC as they parent and discipline their children. Keller used a powerful example of a child coming to their parent angry and saying, “You don’t even love me. You hate me. You’ve never done anything for me.” The parent can choose one of the three options: withdraw, fire back, OR draw them close and acknowledge their feelings, but insist gently on truth, and absorb their anger without paying back. Keller then goes into this beautiful picture of how we can only handle and heal from anger ourselves if we understand this is what Jesus did for us.

“We are mad at God even though we won’t admit it.  The proof we are mad at him is that when God became vulnerable and kill-able we killed him. We mocked him and beat him and tortured him because we were angry at him. He didn’t withdraw or retaliate, but at the cross He told us the truth and absorbed our rage.  He took our distorted anger and the anger that we deserve from God. The gentle words “father forgive them for they do not know what they’re doing” – the ultimate surgical strike.  He loved the sinner and hated the sin. When other people wrong you, you can respond the same and respond to others with cosmic gentleness, loving the sinner and hating the sin. Your ego has changed! If you see Jesus absorbing our disordered love and just responding with cosmic gentleness would it empower you to go out into our world and hate sin but love the sinner. You’re FREE to do it because he did it for you!”

Tim Keller

Conclusion

Righteous anger desires mercy and reconciliation over judgment. It is sincerely grieved by the marring of God’s glory, His goodness.  Righteous anger is an act of love that moves us to action not passivity or wallowing in our self-pity. Are you distressed, angry, grieved by what makes God angry? Do you care more about your reputation or protecting His own? Sinful anger is focused on self and protecting my own desires, reputation, and my own disordered loves.

It is my prayer that you would remember how Jesus, greatly angered over our sin, chose to respond in sacrificial love. I pray that this empowers you and frees you to admit and analyze your own sinful anger, and that you are able to have grief about it that leads you to repentance.  I pray that you can move towards others who have wronged you, whose sin has hurt or angered you, with gentleness as Jesus did for us. Understanding and dealing with our anger in a way that leads to repentance and transformation will be a lifelong process and we won’t do it perfectly, but we have a Savior who has redeemed us and who sets a perfect example for us and who gives us the power to respond as He did.

Reflection Questions

1. What are some common disordered loves you have that if threatened would lead to sinful anger (i.e. control, approval of others, reputation, routine, comfort etc.)?
2. What steps can you take to transform your disordered love(s) into ordered love?
3. What aspect of Jesus’ example of righteous anger is most encouraging to you?
4. What makes you righteously angry? How are you pursuing action against this?